… but you can shoot a dead Camaro. Well, except in Arizona, where they frown on that sort of thing. It seems that Lauriano Lawrence Lovato, frustrated by the alliteration of his name and the fact that his car wouldn’t start, shot his car. Twice. Both shots went through the windshield and hit the dashboard. 
Now this may come as a shock, but neither shot improved the condition of the car. Thus, Mr. Lovato is now facing jail time and a dead car. His neighbors didn’t see the inherent value in shooting the car and called the police. This led to a standoff with police after he refused to leave his house. Can you blame him? Where was he going to go? His car wouldn’t start!
Lovato was sentenced to 90 days in jail. His car was buried in a tasteful, yet subdued, closed casket ceremony with family and close friends. A Jetta was not admitted.
If you’re concerned that his actions might spur copycats, I suggest you write your Congressmammal to introduce legislation to regulate gun violence against uncooperative automobiles. I’m sure they would much rather work on that than the debt ceiling.
Carry on, Citizens!
